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  • What do you notice?
  • What might be the reason for this?
  • What can you do yourself?
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Dealing with changing roles

Have you noticed that roles at home are changing due to illness, health issues or care needs? Perhaps you’ve suddenly found yourself looking after your partner, a parent or a child. Or perhaps you’re the one who needs more help. This can have a significant impact on your relationship. You remain the same people, but the dynamic between you changes. Changing roles can be confusing. The other person is not just a partner, parent, child or family member, but also someone who needs care. Or you are not just a loved one or parent, but also someone seeking help. This requires time, adaptation and openness.

Dealing with changing roles
What do you notice?

Changing roles can be challenging, both practically and emotionally.

You may, for example, notice that:

  • you look at each other differently;
  • conversations are more often about healthcare;
  • you feel less equal;
  • you get irritated more easily;
  • you miss your old habits;
  • you feel sad about what has changed;
  • you find it difficult to give or receive help;
  • you feel you have less time to relax together;
  • you are unsure how to fulfil your role.

Sometimes love is naturally associated with worries. But a relationship also needs space for ordinary moments, free from worry.

What might be the reason for this?

Related topics

  • Asking for help without straining the relationship

    Would you like to ask your partner, family or friends for help, but are you worried that this might put a strain on the relationship? Perhaps that is why you ask for less help than you actually need. Or you only ask for help when you really can’t cope any longer. This can cause tension, because the other person then suddenly has to take on a lot more. Asking for help within a relationship or family is a sensitive matter. You don’t want to ask too much of the other person. At the same time, you sometimes need support. By discussing the need for help clearly and in good time, the relationship often remains better balanced.

  • Balancing informal care with work or family life

Was this information helpful?

Roles change when someone’s abilities decline, they fall ill or become more dependent. Responsibilities then shift. Someone who used to organise a lot of things may now need help. Or someone who was primarily a partner may also become a carer.

This can evoke feelings such as sadness, anger, shame, guilt or helplessness. These feelings are normal, but can become overwhelming if they are not discussed.

Practical pressures can also change the relationship. If the day consists mainly of organising and worrying, there is less room left for meaningful interaction.

What can you do yourself?

It helps to make change a topic of discussion. Not just the practical tasks, but also how it affects you.

For example, you could:

  • identify what you are missing;
  • discuss together which tasks have changed;
  • making arrangements regarding support and independence;
  • continue to plan ordinary moments together;
  • allow outside help;
  • recognise that it takes time to get used to it;
  • be kind to one another;
  • talking to someone outside the situation.

Try not to view the other person solely as a care recipient or a carer. The relationship extends beyond care.

When is it advisable to seek help?

Seeking help is a sensible thing to do if changing roles are causing tension, distance or lingering sadness. Even if your conversations mainly revolve around care and responsibilities, support can help.

Please get in touch if the situation becomes too emotionally overwhelming, if you are feeling increasingly low, or if you feel unsafe at home.

How Rondom can help

Together, we look at how changing roles affect daily life and relationships. In doing so, we focus on responsibilities, boundaries, independence, emotions and communication between people.

A occupational therapist can help you stay involved in the things that matter to you, even as roles and responsibilities change. Psychological Support can help with grief, stress and changing relationships. A lifestyle coach can support you in your recovery and in ensuring you have space for yourself.

Together, we are looking for ways to cope better with the change and to keep the relationship as equal as possible.

Are you caring for a loved one and trying to balance this with work, family or other commitments? Perhaps you do it out of love and as a matter of course, but you’re finding that your days are becoming increasingly full. You work, organise appointments, help out at home, keep in touch with care providers and try to make time for your family as well. That can take a lot out of you. Balancing informal care with work or family life often involves finding the right balance. You want to be there for the other person, but you also have your own life, health and responsibilities. If that balance comes under pressure, informal care can become a heavy burden. It is important to assess early on what you need to keep going.

  • Being unable to do as much for one’s partner or children

    Do you find it difficult that you are unable to do as much for your partner or children? Perhaps you find it harder to manage practical tasks, have less energy to give them your full attention, or find yourself having to say ‘no’ more often. That can be painful, especially if looking after others is a key part of who you are. Being able to do less does not mean you are any less important. Yet it can certainly feel that way. You may feel guilty, sad or insecure. It helps to consider what you can still do and how you can remain involved in different ways.

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