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  • What do you notice?
  • What might be the reason for this?
  • What can you do yourself?
  • When is it advisable to seek help?
  • How Rondom can help
  • Download the Rondom app
  • Make an appointment

Asking for help without straining the relationship

Would you like to ask your partner, family or friends for help, but are you worried that this might put a strain on the relationship? Perhaps that is why you ask for less help than you actually need. Or you only ask for help when you really can’t cope any longer. This can cause tension, because the other person then suddenly has to take on a lot more. Asking for help within a relationship or family is a sensitive matter. You don’t want to ask too much of the other person. At the same time, you sometimes need support. By discussing the need for help clearly and in good time, the relationship often remains better balanced.

Asking for help without putting a strain on the relationship
What do you notice?

Finding it difficult to ask for help can have a significant impact on the relationship.

You may, for example, notice that:

  • you continue to take on tasks that are too demanding;
  • You only ask for help when you are exhausted;
  • you feel guilty;
  • you’re worried that the other person might get angry or tired;
  • you are asking for help in an unclear manner;
  • frustration arises over expectations;
  • if you feel dependent;
  • you are less open about it;
  • you feel alone with your symptoms.

Sometimes you think you are protecting the other person by not asking any questions. But the other person often realises that things are not going well.

What might be the reason for this?

Related topics

  • Balancing informal care with work or family life

    Are you caring for a loved one and trying to balance this with work, family or other commitments? Perhaps you do it out of love and as a matter of course, but you’re finding that your days are becoming increasingly full. You work, organise appointments, help out at home, keep in touch with care providers and try to make time for your family as well. That can take a lot out of you. Balancing informal care with work or family life often involves finding the right balance. You want to be there for the other person, but you also have your own life, health and responsibilities. If that balance comes under pressure, informal care can become a heavy burden. It is important to assess early on what you need to keep going.

  • Being unable to do as much for one’s partner or children

Was this information helpful?

Asking for help can be difficult due to feelings of shame, pride, guilt or past experiences. Perhaps you are used to being independent or, conversely, are the one who is always helping others.

Unclear boundaries can also cause tension. If it is not clear what you are asking for and for how long, the other person may feel that the request is too much to handle.

Furthermore, the relationship may change as assistance becomes increasingly taken for granted. That is why coordination is important.

What can you do yourself?

It helps to make support accessible, clear and open to discussion.

For example, you could:

  • ask for one specific task;
  • state why help is needed;
  • discuss what is feasible for the other person;
  • expressing thanks without apologising;
  • make fixed appointments;
  • distribute help amongst several people;
  • keep talking about how things are going;
  • also make room for ordinary time together.

A clear question is often easier for the other person to deal with than a general feeling that everything is too much.

When is it advisable to seek help?

It is wise to seek help if asking for it causes you stress or if it means you carry on for too long. Support can also help if the relationship comes under strain.

Please get in touch if the situation becomes too emotionally overwhelming or if you find yourself withdrawing more and more.

How Rondom can help

Together, we’ll look at how you can ask for help without putting too much strain on the relationship. In doing so, we’ll consider responsibilities, boundaries, communication, emotions and the other person’s capacity to cope.

A occupational therapist can help to clarify specific requests for assistance and the division of tasks. Psychological Support can help with feelings of guilt, shame and relationship strain. A lifestyle coach can support recovery and balance.

Together, we are looking for a way to make asking for help clearer, calmer and less stressful.

Do you find it difficult that you are unable to do as much for your partner or children? Perhaps you find it harder to manage practical tasks, have less energy to give them your full attention, or find yourself having to say ‘no’ more often. That can be painful, especially if looking after others is a key part of who you are. Being able to do less does not mean you are any less important. Yet it can certainly feel that way. You may feel guilty, sad or insecure. It helps to consider what you can still do and how you can remain involved in different ways.

  • Changed family roles due to health issues

    Have you noticed that roles within your family are changing due to health issues? Perhaps you are able to do less around the house, work less or look after your partner or children less. Or perhaps someone else in the family has health issues, meaning you have to take on more responsibilities. This can have a significant impact on the atmosphere at home. Family roles often change gradually. Responsibilities shift, habits change, and everyone has to find a new balance. This can be difficult in practical terms, but also emotionally. It may feel as though you no longer have the role you were used to.

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