Intimacy and closeness
Have you noticed that intimacy or closeness is changing due to symptoms, tiredness or worries? Perhaps you have less energy, your body feels different or you simply can’t get your head round it. Or perhaps your relationship has become more focused on worries and practicalities than on simply being together. This can be a sensitive topic to discuss. Intimacy isn’t just about sexuality. It’s also about touch, attention, warmth, trust and relaxing together. Health issues can affect this. That doesn’t mean closeness has to disappear, but sometimes a different approach is needed.
What do you notice?
Changes in intimacy and closeness can evoke a range of emotions.
You may, for example, notice that:
- you feel less need for physical contact;
- you experience pain or tiredness;
- you are unsure about your body;
- you feel less attractive;
- you avoid contact because you’re feeling stressed;
- you do not want to disappoint your partner;
- care responsibilities and administrative tasks dominate the relationship;
- you have less time together;
- you find it difficult to talk about it.
Sometimes partners assume what the other is thinking. This can create a sense of distance, whilst both sides actually need understanding.
What might be the reason for this?
Complaints, pain, tiredness, stress, medication, low mood or worries can affect intimacy. Changes in roles also play a part. If the partner also becomes a carer, the relationship may feel different.
In addition, feelings of embarrassment or insecurity may play a part. You may find it difficult to say what you do or do not like.
Sometimes there is simply not enough peace and quiet. When the day is filled with tasks, care and recovery, there is little room left for closeness.
What can you do yourself?
It helps to take a broad view of intimacy and to discuss it sensitively.
For example, you could:
- tell us what you’re missing;
- indicate what is currently pleasant;
- seeking small moments of closeness;
- planning time together without care consultations;
- be honest about pain, tiredness or uncertainty;
- reduce the pressure to perform;
- gradually building up contact or closeness;
- Ask for help if you’re unable to speak.
Start with connection, not with expectations. Closeness can also mean sitting quietly together, holding each other, talking together or spending time with one another.
When is it advisable to seek help?
Seeking help is a sensible thing to do if changes in intimacy are causing distance, sadness or tension. Support can also be helpful if pain, fear, shame or insecurity are major factors.
Please contact your GP if you have any questions about physical symptoms, medication or your sexual health.
How Rondom can help
Together, we explore how symptoms affect closeness and relationships. In doing so, we focus on energy, pain, emotions, communication and changing roles.
Psychological
Treatment can help people deal differently with emotions, insecurities and changes that affect intimacy and relationships. A occupational therapist can help think through issues relating to energy levels, rest and practical adjustments to the daily routine. A lifestyle coach can support recovery and relaxation.
Together, we are looking for ways to create more space for contact and closeness again.
