Specifying boundaries
Do you find it difficult to set boundaries? Perhaps you often say ‘yes’ when you actually want to say ‘no’. Or you only realise afterwards that something was too much. Setting boundaries sounds simple, but it can still be tricky. Especially if you don’t want to disappoint others or are afraid of causing a fuss. Boundaries help to protect your energy, health and recovery. They make it clear what works and what doesn’t. This is important at work, at home, in your studies and in social interactions. Setting boundaries is not a sign of unwillingness. It is a way of looking after yourself properly.
What do you notice?
Struggling to set boundaries can have a significant impact on your day.
You may, for example, notice that:
- you say ‘yes’ more often than is good for you;
- you feel exhausted afterwards;
- you feel guilty when you say no;
- you take on tasks from others;
- you are not allowing yourself enough time to recover;
- you feel nervous before discussing something;
- you get angry or sad because it’s all too much;
- you push your own needs aside;
- You should only stop if your symptoms worsen.
Sometimes people hope that others will automatically realise that it is too much. But often that does not happen. It is then necessary to be clear about your own boundaries.
What might be the reason for this?
Setting boundaries can be difficult due to habits, expectations or past experiences. Perhaps you are used to persevering or looking after others. Perhaps saying ‘no’ feels as though you are failing or letting someone down.
Work culture, family pressures or social pressures can also play a part. When everyone is busy, it sometimes seems normal to overstep boundaries.
If you are experiencing symptoms, fatigue or stress, it is particularly important to set boundaries. It is precisely at such times that your capacity is lower and you need more time to recover.
What can you do yourself?
It helps to recognise your limits sooner and to identify them clearly.
For example, you could:
- watch out for signs of tiredness, pain or tension;
- consider in advance what is feasible;
- clearly state what does work;
- to say ‘no’ without going into detail;
- ask for some time to think before you reply;
- make arrangements regarding tasks and availability;
- asking for help with conversations that are nerve-wracking;
- practising with small boundaries.
A boundary does not have to be harsh or unkind. You can be both friendly and clear at the same time.
When is it advisable to seek help?
Seeking help is a sensible thing to do if you frequently push yourself beyond your limits and experience problems as a result. Support can also help if you feel a great deal of guilt, stress or anxiety when saying no.
Please also seek help if setting boundaries at work or at home consistently leads to problems. Sometimes it is necessary to work together to see how you can communicate more clearly and look after yourself better.
How Rondom can help
Together, we’ll explore what makes it difficult for you to set boundaries. In doing so, we’ll look at your energy levels, symptoms, habits and the situations in which you get stuck.
A occupational therapist can help you recognise your limits sooner and act more effectively in accordance with them. Together, you will explore what is achievable for you in everyday life. If you experience stress, feelings of guilt or find it difficult to say no, you can psychological support is appropriate. A lifestyle coach can help with recovery, finding a routine and making choices.
We are looking for a way for you to set boundaries without losing touch with others.
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