Saying ‘no’
Do you find it difficult to say no? Perhaps you say yes to food, alcohol, extra work, social pressure or tasks set by others, even though you actually want something else. Saying no can feel uncomfortable. You don’t want to be unfriendly, disappoint someone or have to explain yourself. Yet saying ‘no’ is important for healthy habits. It helps to protect your choices. Not out of strictness, but based on what you need to look after yourself properly. A clear ‘no’ can make room for a better ‘yes’.
What do you notice?
Finding it difficult to say ‘no’ can lead to you pushing yourself beyond your limits more often.
You may, for example, notice that:
- you say ‘yes’ to avoid any inconvenience;
- you end up regretting your choice;
- you eat or drink because others insist;
- you take on extra tasks whilst you are tired;
- you have little time left for yourself;
- you feel guilty when you say no;
- you’re worried about reactions;
- if you abandon your own plan;
- you are then hard on yourself.
Sometimes it is not the temptation itself that is the hardest part, but the social situation surrounding it.
What might be the reason for this?
Saying ‘no’ can be difficult due to habit, insecurity or a desire for harmony. Perhaps you are used to putting others first and only then thinking of yourself.
Social pressure also plays a part. When it comes to food, alcohol or smoking, saying ‘no’ can invite questions. That makes it easier to go along with it after all.
In addition, tiredness can have an impact. If you are tired, it is more difficult to make conscious choices and stick to your limits.
What can you do yourself?
It helps to think about what you want to say in advance. That way, you won’t have to search for words as much when the time comes.
For example, you could:
- use a short standard sentence;
- to say ‘no’ without going into detail;
- to propose an alternative;
- think in advance about what you do want;
- practising with simple situations;
- seek support from someone who understands your choice;
- to distance oneself from busy or tempting moments;
- remind yourself why your choice is important.
Saying ‘no’ doesn’t have to be harsh. You can be both polite and clear.
When is it advisable to seek help?
Seeking help is advisable if your difficulty in saying ‘no’ means you keep making choices you do not agree with. Counselling can also help if feelings of guilt, social pressure or fear of rejection are having a significant impact.
Ask for help if saying ‘no’ is important for your health – for example, when it comes to alcohol, smoking, overwork or eating habits – but you keep finding it difficult to do so.
How Rondom can help
Together, we’ll look at the situations in which saying ‘no’ is difficult and what you need to make clearer choices. In doing so, we’ll focus on habits, social pressure, boundaries, stress and self-confidence.
A lifestyle coach can help you make and stick to healthy choices. Psychological Support can help with feelings of guilt, uncertainty or fear of reactions. A occupational therapist can help think things through when saying ‘no’ is about tasks, energy and being overworked.
Together, we’ll look for ways to make choices that suit you.
