Avoiding family visits or social engagements
Do you find yourself cancelling family visits or social engagements more often than you’d actually like? Perhaps you look forward to an engagement at first, but on the day itself you find yourself dreading it. You wonder whether you’ll be able to cope, whether there’ll be enough rest, and whether others understand what you need. This can cause a great deal of stress. Social engagements often require more than just being present. You have to travel, talk, process sensory input, sometimes sit or stand for long periods, and then recover afterwards. This can be too much. Avoiding such situations may feel safe in the short term, but in the long run it can mean you miss out on social contact and enjoyment.
What do you notice?
Avoiding social engagements can gradually become a pattern.
You may, for example, notice that:
- you cancel appointments due to tiredness or pain;
- avoid busy places;
- you’re worried you might have to leave early;
- if you feel uncomfortable asking for consideration for yourself;
- you will need a long time to recover afterwards;
- you have less contact with family or friends;
- you feel guilty after cancelling;
- you no longer arrange to meet spontaneously;
- you find social situations increasingly stressful.
Sometimes it can be difficult to explain why you are unable to attend. Especially if your symptoms vary or are not obvious.
What might be the reason for this?
Avoidance can be caused by pain, tiredness, overstimulation, anxiety or uncertainty. Previous experiences may also play a part. If you have ever felt that you’d gone beyond your limits during a visit, your body may already feel tense at the thought of your next appointment.
Practical barriers also play a part. Think of transport, climbing stairs, crowds, a lack of quiet spaces, sitting for long periods, or not knowing how long an appointment will last.
In addition, feelings of embarrassment may play a part. You may not want to keep explaining what is going on or asking for adjustments.
What can you do yourself?
It helps to make appointments shorter and clearer. You don’t always have to take part fully, as you used to.
For example, you could:
- Please let us know in advance how long you can stay;
- choose a quiet spot;
- to meet with one or two people at a time;
- arrange your own transport if that puts your mind at ease;
- taking breaks during a visit;
- plan recovery time afterwards;
- be honest about what you need;
- Shorten an appointment rather than cancelling it altogether.
It may also help to think of a response in advance and use it as an explanation.
When is it advisable to seek help?
It is wise to seek help if you find yourself avoiding more and more social engagements or if this makes you feel lonely. Even if anxiety, shame or feeling overwhelmed are the main reasons for staying at home, it is a good idea to seek advice.
Please get in touch if you’re feeling down, have lost interest in everything or find yourself withdrawing more and more.
How Rondom can help
Together, we look at what makes social interactions difficult. In doing so, we consider energy levels, symptoms, triggers, transport, boundaries and trust.
A occupational therapist can help to organise social activities in a manageable way, distribute energy more effectively and cope with stimuli that make social situations tiring or difficult. In cases of anxiety, embarrassment or avoidance, psychological support should be appropriate. A lifestyle coach can support recovery and daily routines. If walking, standing or travelling are involved, a physiotherapist or podiatrist contribute ideas.
Together, we are looking for practical steps to make social commitments more achievable again.
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