Daring to ask for help

Finding it difficult to ask for help can mean you carry on for longer than is good for you. You try to sort things out yourself, even if it takes a lot of energy.

You may, for example, notice that:

you continue to do tasks that are actually too demanding;
you refuse help, even though you do need it;
you feel guilty when someone does something for you;
you’re afraid of becoming dependent;
you hide your symptoms from others;
if you miss any appointments or activities;
you get angry or sad because things no longer happen naturally;
You only ask for help when there is absolutely no other option.

Sometimes tensions arise with the people around you. They want to help, but aren’t quite sure how. You want to be helped, but not patronised. That can be difficult for everyone.

Asking for help can be difficult because of pride, shame or fear of losing control. Perhaps you have always been the one looking after others. In that case, it may feel strange to now need help yourself.

Previous experiences may also play a part. If you found receiving help unpleasant or if someone crossed your boundaries, it can be difficult to allow yourself to accept help again.

Furthermore, it may be unclear exactly what sort of help you need. If you are not sure yourself what would help, asking for help becomes even more difficult. It can quickly become a case of ‘all or nothing’, whereas help can also be small-scale and temporary.

It helps to clarify requests for help. People are often keen to help, but need clarity to do so.

For example, you could:

think about which task drains your energy;
Start small with one clear question;
indicate what you wish to continue doing yourself;
saying when help is and isn’t welcome;
arranging appointments at fixed times;
distribute help amongst several people;
be honest when something becomes too much;
Accept that asking for help may take some getting used to.

Asking a clear question can relieve a lot of tension. That is often easier than simply saying, in very general terms, that things aren’t working out any more.

It is wise to seek help if you find yourself pushing yourself too hard because you are reluctant to ask for help. It is also a good idea to talk about this if you are putting off tasks, hiding symptoms or taking less of an active part in things.

Be sure to seek advice if you are feeling lonely, if tensions are rising at home, or if you are worried about becoming dependent on others. It is precisely at such times that appropriate support can help you maintain more control over your life.

Together, we’ll look at what makes it difficult for you to ask for help and what kind of support suits you best. This involves practical help, but also issues such as boundaries, trust and independence.

A occupational therapist can help to clarify which tasks you can continue to do yourself and where help would be useful. If you are feeling anxious, guilty or finding it difficult to accept, psychological support should be appropriate. A lifestyle coach can help bring more peace, recovery and balance to your week.

We’ll help you find the kind of support that feels right for you. Not to take over everything, but to ensure you can continue to cope with everyday life more effectively.

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