Dealing with dependency

Dependence can be noticeable in practical and emotional terms. Sometimes it’s about what you can no longer do on your own. Sometimes it’s mainly about how that makes you feel.

You may, for example, notice that:

you need help more often;
you feel uncomfortable around others;
you are less likely to do something on the spur of the moment;
you are afraid of being a burden to someone;
you refuse help even though you actually need it;
you feel frustrated more quickly;
you feel you have less freedom;
you find it difficult to accept help;
you’re worried that others will take over everything.

Sometimes you try to carry on doing everything yourself. That is understandable, but it can also lead to you becoming overburdened or to unsafe situations.

Dependence can arise as a result of pain, fatigue, illness, disabilities or recovery from surgery. Things that used to come naturally now require support.

Your surroundings can also have an impact. If your home, workplace or transport arrangements are not well suited to your needs, you are more likely to become dependent on others.

Emotions also play a part. It can be difficult to accept that your situation is changing, particularly if you have always been independent or are used to looking after others.

It helps to distinguish between the help you need and help that takes over too much. You are free to say what you would like to continue doing yourself.

For example, you could:

write down anything you need help with;
indicate which tasks you wish to continue carrying out yourself;
ask for help with a specific section;
using aids to remain more independent;
making appointments with people who provide support;
distribute assistance amongst several people;
be honest about when you don’t feel comfortable receiving help;
Consider seeking professional support if loved ones are taking on too much.

Dependency does not have to dictate everything. With the right support, you can often continue to do more for yourself than you think.

Seeking help is a sensible thing to do if dependency causes a great deal of stress, shame or frustration. It is also important to seek advice if you are avoiding help even though this puts you at risk.

Also ask for help if your partner, family or friends are becoming overwhelmed. In that case, it is a good idea to work together to see how support can be better shared.

Together, we’ll look at how you can continue to do as much as possible for yourself, with appropriate support where needed. In doing so, we’ll take into account your capabilities, safety, environment and sense of control.

A occupational therapist can help with assistive devices, home adaptations and carrying out daily tasks in alternative ways. A physiotherapist can provide support with strength, balance and movement. In cases of shame, frustration or difficulty in accepting, it can psychological support should be appropriate.

Together, we seek to strike a balance between receiving help and maintaining independence.

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