Embarrassment caused by symptoms or limitations
Do you feel ashamed of your symptoms or limitations? Perhaps you find it difficult that you are less able than you used to be, that you need help, or that others can tell there is something wrong with you. Shame can be a heavy burden. It can cause you to avoid situations, even though you would actually like to take part. Health issues or limitations can have a significant impact on how you view yourself. You may not want to explain what is going on. Or you may be afraid that others will find you difficult, weak or different. That can make you feel lonely.
What do you notice?
Shame can affect your behaviour, thoughts and relationships.
You may, for example, notice that:
- you would rather not talk about your symptoms;
- you refuse help even though you need it;
- you avoid social situations;
- you are afraid that others will judge you;
- if you feel less confident;
- you get angry or sad when something doesn’t work out;
- you do not use your aids because they are visible;
- you withdraw;
- you compare yourself a lot with the past or with others.
Sometimes it takes a lot of energy to hide your symptoms. You try to carry on as normal, even though it’s actually too much for you.
What might be the reason for this?
Shame can arise because your body, energy levels or capabilities are changing. Things that used to come naturally now require help or adaptation. This can feel like a loss of independence.
Comments from others can also play a part. Well-meaning remarks or a lack of understanding can make you feel insecure. Sometimes you may even assume what others are thinking, even if it isn’t true.
In addition, many people live with the belief that they must be strong and must not complain. This makes it more difficult to be honest about what does and does not work out.
What can you do yourself?
It helps to make it possible to talk about shame step by step. You don’t have to explain everything to everyone.
For example, you could:
- Start with one person you trust;
- briefly state what you need;
- ask for help in a specific way;
- viewing assistive devices as a means of support to help people continue to participate;
- be less hard on yourself;
- choose situations in which you feel safe;
- Think about what you would say to someone else in the same situation.
It often turns out that people react more leniently than you might have expected.
When is it advisable to seek help?
Seeking help is a sensible thing to do if feelings of shame are causing you to withdraw, avoid certain situations or avoid seeking the help you need. It is also a good idea to get in touch if you are feeling down, losing social contacts or having a lot of negative thoughts about yourself.
Please also ask for help if feelings of shame are preventing you from using aids, care or support.
How Rondom can help
Together, we will explore how shame affects you and what is needed for you to feel more freedom again. In doing so, we will focus on your symptoms, activities, thoughts and the situations you avoid.
Psychological Support can help to reduce shame, insecurity and negative thoughts. A occupational therapist can help you integrate assistive devices and adaptations in a way that suits you. A lifestyle coach can help with rhythm, energy and recovery.
We are looking for ways to help you feel more confident about getting involved again.
