Setting boundaries as a carer

Difficulty in setting boundaries can manifest itself in many ways.

You may, for example, notice that:

• you are taking on more than you can handle;
• you don’t dare say no;
• you feel guilty when you take time for yourself;
• you take on tasks that someone else could also do;
• you are often available;
• you have little rest;
• you get angry or sad because it’s too much;
• you cancel your own appointments;
• you feel that nobody realises how much you do.

Sometimes you hope that others will realise for themselves that it is too much. But often that does not happen. In that case, clear communication is needed.

Setting boundaries is difficult if you feel responsible for the other person. Perhaps you’re worried that your loved one won’t be looked after properly if you do less. Or you don’t want to let family members down.

Habits also play a part. If you have been the one organising everything for a long time, others may automatically expect this of you. In that case, change can feel uncomfortable.

Furthermore, the healthcare situation can be emotionally charged. When someone is vulnerable or unwell, your own boundaries may sometimes seem less important. Yet it is precisely at such times that your boundaries need attention.

It helps to make your boundaries clear. It’s not just about feeling that it’s too much, but about stating what you can no longer cope with.

For example, you could:

• write down which tasks you no longer wish to carry out on your own;
• indicate when you are and are not available;
• to hand over a task to family or professional carers;
• state clearly what you need;
• ask for some time to think it over before saying yes;
• protect fixed rest periods;
• practising simple grammar;
• record appointments so that they remain clear.

A boundary can be kind. You can remain engaged whilst still making it clear that something is no longer feasible.

It is wise to seek help if you consistently push your limits or if setting boundaries causes you a great deal of stress. Support can also be helpful if conflicts arise with family or your partner.

Please get in touch if you are feeling exhausted, having trouble sleeping or find that you can no longer cope with your care.

Together, we’ll explore where your limits lie and how you can make them clearer. In doing so, we’ll take into account your energy levels, care responsibilities, family commitments and emotional strain.

A occupational therapist can help to organise healthcare in a practical way and highlight what is achievable. Psychological Support can help with feelings of guilt, stress and communication. A lifestyle coach can support recovery and routine.

Together, we’ll find a way for you to stay involved without overdoing it.